Eggnog - a Christmas comfort drink

It’s that time of year again: Christmas. I didn’t sign up for, but I’m bound to it like a contract emblazoned with holly.

It’s like the Terms of Service to a software update. You just scroll down to the bottom and you hit “I Agree.” I don’t remember exactly when I agreed to Christmas, but it appears I did. And so did you.

And so we all enter Christmas together, hand in hand, an inexorable march towards ugly sweater parties. It’s no wonder that so many people drink through the holidays, clutching on to their glass of holiday cheer for dear life. Digits flickering under their eyelids like licks of flame in a toasty fireplace: a glimpse of a credit card statement.

Eggnog is a classic Christmas comfort drink made with eggs, milk, and rum - spiced only with nutmeg.

My mom got stopped at the airport in Helsinki. They told her she needed a visitor visa to travel to Canada to see her kids for Christmas. Rest assured, an easy fix, but apparently irreparably complicated by her permanent resident status in Canada - a vestige of her previous life in the 1990s when she last lived here. For geopolitical reasons that defy my earnest Canadian mind this meant that she couldn’t come visit for Christmas this year. Naturally, I blame Trump. He’s the Grinch and he ruined my mother’s Christmas.

They say right before you die of hypothermia you feel warm. That's kind of what I think drinking eggnog is like.

And so in this post I give a nod to eggnog. Consuming eggnog is like being hugged from the inside out during a blizzard. They say that right before you die of hypothermia you feel warm. That’s kind of what I think drinking eggnog is like. Consisting of egg yolks, sugar, milk and rum, it’s basically all the elements of a hearty cake. You just ditch the flour and sub in booze.

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Eggnog

Ingredients:
(Serves 1)
1 large golden egg yolk
1 tbsp + 1 tsp white sugar
1 cup of whole milk
1 oz dark spiced rum (or bourbon, brandy, sherry, or cognac)
Freshly ground nutmeg

Method:
Separate the egg in two medium bowls. Add the sugar to the egg yolk and whisk well. Add the milk, cream, and rum along with a pinch of nutmeg and whisk to combine. Whip the egg white until it forms soft peaks and then slowly add 1 tsp of sugar until it form medium-soft peaks. Fold this into the bowl with the egg yolk mixture. Pour into a glass and add another grate of nutmeg on top. Serve chilled or at room temperature.

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At this point you might wonder, “why not just buy my ‘nog from the carton like my dad did when I was a merry little kid at Christmastime?” To that I say, sure, go ahead. But at this time of year when we have so little control, as our Christmas parade marches on down an icy hill towards an embankment, wouldn’t you like to claw back some autonomy and lovingly assemble your own little Christmas time-out? “But wait,” you say, “the homemade version contains raw eggs. The store-bought version is pasteurized and therefore safer!” Yes, I agree. But as you get toted around to a predictable sequence of Christmas parties this year, consider this: why not leave something up to chance and risk a little festive salmonella poisoning?​

If you’re still not converted, I point to a few famous boozers from history to try and convince you to come aboard the ‘nog wagon. George Washington’s eggnog is probably the most famous of all. Being the first president of the US of A must’ve been tough, cause when the holidays came round Washington made his eggnog with a whopping one pint of brandy, ½ pint rye whiskey, ½ pint Jamaica rum, and ¼ pint of sherry. 

Or how about this one from a Time’s article published in 1890? It sums it all up quite nicely, I think.

“And what is eggnog? Worcester says, “A drink made up of spirit, milk, sugar, and eggs beaten up together.” Exactly so, but he might as well describe a fascinating woman as a 'combination of dry goods, skin, and bone' when telling of her winning ways.”

Or how about Edgar Allan Poe’s version? One of English literature’s favourite lushes enjoyed his eggnog strong. It’s more like a glass of brandy with a splash of eggnog-like ingredients thrown on top for the holidays; the cocktail version of a kitschy holiday tie worn at a boozy office Christmas party. 

Happy holidays. Need I say more? Be careful stumbling home from the Christmas parties this time of year, it’s slippery out there and my friend who’s doing his residency says it’s packed at the ER this time of year. Enjoy yourself a glass of eggnog this year in all its unworthy, rich and sweet glory. Dare I say add that it’s best consumed alone? Consider it like a nice French Toast, but in a diabolical turn of events you ditch the toast, spike the custard, and down it with a sprinkle of nutmeg.

I raise a glass in approval.

// BC thanks for being here